and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You are the jesus of drinking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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