I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
