his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
