Me too!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
