First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
