the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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