You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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