Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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