new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
