Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
