someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
