i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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