he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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