mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
