I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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