I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
