I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
