We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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