So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
