I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
