I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
