i just wanna soil my oats bro
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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