so explain again why im purple
no
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
