I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize