we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
