Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Couch. On fire.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
