Where did you get a picture of my penis
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
