rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
