I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
