u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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