the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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