Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
