I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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