i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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