well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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