lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
