I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
