Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
