I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
