Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
