it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
