Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
