I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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