I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
