So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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