Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
