So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
