turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
