i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
two words...techno handjob
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
