I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
