I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
