Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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