Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
