I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
