I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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