You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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