Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
