Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How naked do you want me to be?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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