maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
