While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
