You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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