I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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