Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize