she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
