now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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