i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
