it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
