Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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