That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
