i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
