You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
