her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
