woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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