My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
