is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
