we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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