You smell like a Billy Joel song
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
