You really coming over, don't trick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
