why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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