I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
