HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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