I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
