Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
