YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
