I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They took my balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
