We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
