Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
