Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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