The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
