Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
