so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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