dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
