Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
