I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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