I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
