Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
send nudes
from the living room?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize