I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
