my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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