Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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