I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
