it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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