At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
