Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
